a sweeter denial.

so far away,
so long gone,
so far fetched.

i wish i could forget the way you held me,
so thoughtful, so welcoming, so able.
but your name rings in my mind,
and every word you said to me keeps
me in a vicious cycle with myself. 

i don't want to die like this,
i don't want to die with your name on my last breath,
i don't want to die with your smile on the surface,
i don't want to die with your touch in the banks of memory,
i don't want to die with your solid embrace on the outskirts of thought,
i don't want to die with the sound of your voice far from recognition,
i don't want to die with the beauty of your face wasted on strain,
i don't want to die knowing those lips are so soft and so lush on another,
i don't want to die knowing you won't care a year or two from now,
i don't want to die knowing you forgot how much i needed you to be okay,
somehow, someway, some day, i wanted you to realize we really could've been.

"don't be selfish,
don't be naive, 
don't do this."

i'm working hard to forget the way your words sear through me.