sadsadjustsad

It's been four months, probably even five months, since she's left me. I've lost a great deal of who I was to her. No one in the world has fucked up this bad. I've been in pieces since you've left. I don't understand what kind of person I am anymore. I wish I could be fine like everyone else, but I fear that I don't have it in me to be like them. You loved me first, right? I thought I couldn't live without you, I thought I was going to fucking die. Do you understand what that means? My body hurts and the fits have gotten progressively worst and I'm still alive, but I have lost so much more than this carcass. I died in essence. I don't know what you made of me, but your love made me thrive with life when you were by my side. For the first time in my whole life I had actually fallen in love and meant every syllable in the word. I loved you so fucking much, baby. You made the sun brighter on the days I just couldn't handle on my own. You cared about me and that really matters to me. No one has ever returned me with so much love, joy, and warmth. You were more than my baby, you were my haven. Your company taught me so much about life, people, my feelings, and myself.  You taught me what it meant to really, really love. You were so kind to me, I couldn't believe someone that incredible was mine. You blew my mind to pieces and I didn't mind. I've let you crawl inside my head with your ill hopes for me. I've let you become my one and only obsession.  I've let stood by my love for you, never ashamed of what others say about me. I will never betray the way I feel about you, my love for you. It's what keeps me going. That insane amount of love isn't good on the mind, your love has literally driven me mad. I can't imagine being with anyone else. I feel so nauseous when I start thinking of you and some other girl. It doesn't sound right to me. It probably won't ever sound right, because in my eyes you'll always be mine... I've let myself become a slave to way I feel about you. I swear that you have taken over everything. Your entity spreads like a wildfire across everything I am. Memories of you are so embedded in the physical world, every where I turn it's like I'm in a never ending cycle of vicious self hatred with myself. I can't stop hating myself, and I know that's not good at all for me right now. But I'm trying, trying as best as I can to live with myself. It just really hurts, loving someone really hurts me..